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Empathic people feel the pain of others acutely. Is it possible to be too empathic? Could feeling too deeply for someone else’s pain or sorrow actually hurt you?
Indeed, too much empathy can be debilitating. When we become too distressed about the suffering of others, we don’t have the cognitive and emotional resources available to do much to help them. Having compassion, a cognitive understanding of how they’re feeling, is better for our own well-being and the well-being of those in need.
The idea that there can actually be too much empathy can be traced back to early Buddhist teachings. Instead of focusing on empathy to the point of draining ourselves emotionally, Buddhism teaches the practice of compassion, called karuna. This is the idea of sharing in suffering, having concern for another, but essentially “feeling for and not feeling with the other.”
Neuroscientists Tania Singer and Olga Klimecki conducted studies comparing empathy and compassion. Two separate experiment groups were trained to practice either empathy or compassion. Their research revealed fascinating differences in the brain’s reaction to the two types of training.
First, the empathy training activated motion in the insula (linked to emotion and self-awareness) and motion in the anterior cingulate cortex (linked to emotion and consciousness), as well as pain registering. The compassion group, however, stimulated activity in the medial orbitofrontal cortex (connected to learning and reward in decision-making) as well as activity in the ventral striatum (also connected to the reward system).
Second, the two types of training led to very different emotions and attitudes toward action. The empathy-trained group actually found empathy uncomfortable and troublesome. The compassion group, on the other hand, created positivity in the minds of the group members. The compassion group ended up feeling kinder and more eager to help others than those in the empathy group.
Tips to Avoid Empathic Distress
Breathe.
When we see something distressing, it activates the fight-flight response and our breathing becomes fast and shallow, which increases our anxiety and gives our emotions momentum. Research shows that slow, steady deep breathing activates the vagus nerve which comes from the brain and controls the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls the relaxation response. A few deep breaths will help you feel calmer.
Feel your body.
When you’re witnessing strong emotions in others, intent to stay with yourself rather than getting caught up in their experience. Feel your feet on the ground and wiggle your toes. Bend your knees slightly if you are standing, and feel your butt in the chair supporting you if you’re sitting. Be aware of body sensations and imagine yourself holding the sensations and emotions as they move through your body. And, of course, keep the option open to physically remove yourself situations that become too distressing.
Tips to Cultivate Compassion
Limit exposure to negativity.
We have a perceptual bias to pay more attention to negative, potentially threatening information. It’s good to be aware of possible threats and problems. But without some perspective-taking, it can lead us to believe that the negative outweighs the positive. Be discerning about the amount of time and attention you give to distressing information on a regular basis.
- The Importance of Empathy
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Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation.
By deliberately imagining yourself, your loved ones, people you feel neutral about, and even people you dislike, experiencing happiness and freedom – you make the world a kinder place. Research in loving-kindness meditation shows it builds emotional resilience and meaningful social connections which can help you respond to challenges with compassion.
Copyright Tara Well, 2017, all rights reserved.
References
I invite you to join my Facebook Group to discuss this blog and read more on developing compassion for yourself and others. Also, visit The Clear Mirror to learn about the mirror meditation that reduces stress and increases compassion, and take the FREE 7-day Mirror Meditation Challenge.
Bloom, P. (2016). Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. Harper Collins.
Goodman, C. (2014). Consequences of Compassion: An Interpretation and Defense of Buddhist Ethics. Oxford University Press.
RSA (2013). Brené Brown on Empathy. Online video clip. YouTube. December 10, 2013. Web.
Singer, T. & Klimecki, O.M. (2014). Empathy and Compassion. Current Biology, 24, 875-878.
FAQs
Compassion tends to be based on taking action, whereas empathy is rooted in feeling. Because compassion is action-based, people are more likely to feel that their efforts have been useful. Empathy, while important, can sometimes contribute to greater feelings of burnout.
Is compassion more important than empathy? ›
The truth is that while we need both, both can hurt us as well as help us. Empathy is a powerful part of being human, but left unchecked, it can turn against us. Compassion is what incites us to do something about the suffering we see, but when we do too much, we forget to take care of ourselves.
What's stronger than empathy? ›
Compassion Is Better than Empathy | Psychology Today.
Why is compassion powerful? ›
Compassion helps us connect with others, mend relationships, and move forward while fostering emotional intelligence and well-being. Compassion takes empathy one step further because it harbors a desire for all people to be free from suffering, and it's imbued with a desire to help.
What is the true meaning of compassion? ›
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering. Compassion is not the same as empathy or altruism, though the concepts are related.
Can you have compassion but no empathy? ›
For example, you might empathize with a friend who is going through a difficult breakup. However, that doesn't mean that you will necessarily be moved to help relieve their pain. In the same way, it is possible to experience compassion without necessarily feeling empathy.
What does the Buddha say about compassion? ›
"According to Buddhism, compassion is an aspiration, a state of mind, wanting others to be free from suffering. It's not passive — it's not empathy alone — but rather an empathetic altruism that actively strives to free others from suffering. Genuine compassion must have both wisdom and lovingkindness.
What are the disadvantages of compassion? ›
But just thinking about all the hardships your dismissing them is likely to cause afflicts you with enormous feelings of guilt. So here again, your empathy and compassion virtually dictate that you'll have to experience some negative feelings about yourself, just for doing what you realize you can't afford not to do.
What is the superpower of compassion? ›
Compassion makes us more resilient and less anxious or depressed, their research tells us. It increases self-worth and happiness. And it strengthens relationships at home and at work. Compassion is a kind of superpower that our ancestors developed for living together in harsh conditions.
What are the three benefits of compassion? ›
It can help you get over feelings of loneliness and isolation. It can help you build healthy relationships. It can also help improve your self-esteem. There are many ways to be kind and compassionate to someone who needs help.
Matthew 9:36
“And he said, “I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name 'The Lord. ' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.”
How does God define compassion? ›
Compassion in the Bible can be defined as showing or having mercy, sympathy, empathy, or pity. Most people think of giving to those in need.
What are the 5 points of compassion? ›
They concluded that compassion entails five elements that apply to the self or others: 1) recognising suffering, 2) understanding the universality of suffering in human experience, 3) feeling for the person suffering and emotionally connecting with their distress, 4) tolerating any uncomfortable feelings aroused (e.g., ...
Can a person be too compassionate? ›
While there are those who are indifferent or hard-hearted about others' travails, some have an overabundance of empathy. They feel the hardships others are going through and this can take a toll on their well-being.
Why is compassion the most important virtue? ›
Ranked a great virtue in numerous philosophies, compassion is considered in almost all the major religious traditions as among the greatest of virtues. Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts and pains of another.
Can you have too much compassion? ›
It would be tough to overdo kindness or compassion, but when you feel deeply for others, it can put a tremendous amount of stress on you. Experiencing your own tension as well as the pain, anxiety or trauma of others can be extreme. And it can compromise your own health—and also degrade your ability to give.
Does compassion really matter? ›
Having compassion for another person, especially when they're treating you poorly or you see them treating others poorly, can really make a difference in your perception of them & others in similar situations.
